Date: April 12, 2010 11:19 pm Title: The last day in Eden
Wow. Just wow. At first I'm thinking, what an adorable story! Then BAM. The ending took me by surprise to be quite honest. I love it when I'm thrown for a loop. I especially love the ending because you don't force it. We know what happens next, and I appreciate that you left it there. I wish I could explain exactly why this pleases me so much. I feel like if you had gone on to describe Luna finding her mother dead/dying (I assume dying, as she can see Thestrals) it would have somehow taken away from the beginning/middle of the story. This way, the reader is left with the fresh memory of a sweet afternoon between mother and daughter. Which leads me to my next comments. The descriptions are impeccably crisp; they form a wonderful image in the reader's mind without imposing a rigid picture that takes away from the reader's imagination. And may I just let you know that I literally laughed out loud about Fred and George charming the ghoul to say Ron's name. It is exactly something that they would do! I had to stop reading for a minute to catch my breath! I'm still giggling as I'm writing this just thinking about it. Also, the choice of rabbits as pets for Luna is perfect! We know that her Patronus is a hare, so I really love that you added this part in to touch upon what we know about her. And she's such a sweet little child, just as I would imagine her: Curious, loving, funny, adorable! Her interactions with her mother really suggest a strong bond. I love that this was the last afternoon with her mother. I mean, if she has to die, what better way for Luna to remember her than as helpful, nurturing, and obviously devoted to her family. It kind of makes me want to call my mom and tell her how much I love her! :) And you obviously did some research about Luna's name, which is very important to any story. The resulting story definitely reflects the thought and work you put into it. I'm curious, what language is Aranrhod teaching Luna? Or maybe not teaching, but giving her words, like A Mathair, which I'm assuming is mother. (Sorry, I don't know how to put accents on letters...I'm probably butchering what is a beautiful word.) And speaking of Aranrhod, what nationality is she?
If the rest of your stories are this well-written I know I will enjoy them. The next works of yours I have my eye on are the longer ones, like Shadowlands and I Remember. You'll get my reviews on those soon!
Hugs and smooches!
WOW! Your Awesomeness, this must be the most detailed feedback I've ever received for ANY of my stories and I humbly thank thee for your time and your kind words!
We all knew where this story eventually would end, so it really didn't lack the depictions of those horrible dying scenes. What more important was that I wanted to form a picture in the reader about the loving, caring woman and mother Aranrhod Lovegood once was; how much impact her early death caused in Luna and how much she had missed her ever since.
You are a very attentive reader and point out things about my own story I would have never suspected. For example, about what one needs in order to be able to see a Thestral. I always figured it's enough to see a dead person, turns out it isn't!
I simply HAD to throw in Gred and Forge; from canon we know the two families lived nearby so it was just appropriate for the children that they would know each other and in fact spend time, play, or simply hang around together. Another thing I remembered only after having read your reviews is Luna's Patronus. It completely skipped my attention that it was a hare. I simply thought she would be one to love rabbits for pets. And yes, do call your Mum everyday and tell her how you love her!
Luna definitely has a soft spot in my heart and Shadowlands is greatly based on her as the main antagonist. In fact, this little one-shot was born while writing one of the recent chapters of Shadowlands.
We know that Luna's Mum did love experimenting with Magic. I always imagined Luna having inherited her features from her mother; with her fair complexity I imagined she would be Irish, that would fit her doing Druid magic. The language she teaches to Luna is Irish Gaelic.
I'm really glad to have been able to entertain you with this story and I hope you will enjoy my other works as well, if you like controversy, that is.
Date: February 10, 2010 5:25 am Title: The last day in Eden
What a wonderful story to give us the background of Luna and her Mum . . . and the bits about the Weasleys and the twins ( Fred & George and Willy & Billy ) were a splendid little side story.
One, teeny, tiny boo-boo ( you know me and my nit-picky tendencies )
"it would have fell on the ground" should be "it would have fallen on the ground"
Otherwise, a perfect little one-shot about one of my favorite characters.
Author's Response: I never knew Luna was your favourite character... Therefore I'm double glad that you liked this. As you know the idea came while writing Shadowlands, so let's consider this one as a tribute to Aranrhod Lovegood, bless her soul. Thanks for being nitpicky, I will correct the boo A.S.A.P. *multiple blushing and eyelash-batting*
Date: January 17, 2010 4:25 pm Title: The last day in Eden
What a bittersweet look into the relationship and the loss that shaped Luna into the girl we recognize in the stories. The mother/daughter moment was poignant and tender without becoming too sappy. Not an easy feat, that. But you bring us into the inner circle with Luna and her mother, giving us a glimpse into how much Luna lost with that explosion. Well done. Excellent story.~GW
Author's Response: This one-shot was prompted by the - currently - last chapter of Shadowlands, when I realized how little we knew about Luna's life before her fourth year. I deliberately made it not too sappy; I was sure the story wouldn't benefit from it. A simple, loving, caring mother/daughter relationship was what I had in mind. Thanks for the nice review and your encouraging words, GW.
Date: January 04, 2010 12:25 am Title: The last day in Eden
This is such a sad and sweet story, and nicely crafted as well. The reader knows from the beginning what is going to happen, and that just makes it worse. You have received SP's double Kleenex award!
As you know, this is a spinoff story, based on the latest (so far) chapter of Shadowlands. I simply couldn't help but pen down this small story about someone we never really knew.
Another story of this kind you might want to read is "The Beginning of all Beginnings".
So sorry for having caused the depletion of your Kleenex stock :D
Date: December 17, 2009 2:25 am Title: The last day in Eden
Knowing the story of Luna's mother, you know where this going when you see that she's making a potion. However, it started out as a really fun read and held my attention. The mother/daughter interactin was just wonderful.
You're absolutely right. We know the end result. The purpose of this story was to show how our cherished worlds can fall apart just like that, how we can lose everything we consider dear to our hearts.
Thanks for your kind words and your review; I'm glad you liked it.
Date: December 16, 2009 11:40 am Title: The last day in Eden
I really like this story a lot. You capture both Luna and her mother very well. We have similar, but slightly different takes on Luna and her mother, but I think that's what makes fanfic fun. If I ever get back to 'The Dementor's First Kiss,' you'll actually see my take on what happened with Luna's mother. (It's already written, but it needs revising). I've read several versions of the accident and what I like about yours is that it takes place 'off-stage'.
Very nice characterizations and a good read.
Thank you Carl, for this marvellous review. From the pen of the biggest Luna Lovegood fan around, this means a lot to me! Thanks to you, Luna quickly became one of my most favourite characters :D
The idea for this story came while writing the latest chapter of Shadowlands. The two appear there as well, and I had fun writing that one, so I decided "why not?"
You are completely right. Pick a character, give or take a few seemingly unimportant traits and your character is completely yours. That IS the power of fanfic. We all see the world with different eyes, hence the differences in our interpretations of these characters. I made Luna deliberately "normal" here; a few traits of canon-Luna must have evolved as a result of her personal tragedy, losing her mother so young. For me, depicting the tragedy itself wasn't that important. I wanted the difference in the serenity of the before and the grief-struck existence of the after. The contrast.
I'm praying that you finally get to DFK, I'm aching to read it further! Anything I could help with?